The One Where I Share My Heavy & Thankful Heart

I have a lot to share.  A lot I would like to say...

but I usually don't.  I'm not sure exactly why.  It could be because I let fear get the best of me or it could because every time I turn around it's time for Monday's Top 5 or What I Wore Wednesday or Good News Friday....and blogging in between those days almost seems impossible.

More than anything I want my life to honor and glorify God.  I want my life to match up with His Words that are spoken in the Bible.  

What I speak, I want to be truth.  What I share, I want to mean something more than the things that are happening on this Earth.

With a To Do List a mile long, a desk with papers piled high, a sink full of dirty dishes and a suitcase waiting to be packed....

I just want to stop and take a second to be thankful.

I am thankful for:

This home that God has provided us with.

Friends that know how to brighten my day.

Children that are so sweet, smart and ridiculously too cute.  In my opinion.  

Parents that are so good to us and are still so in love.

They set the bar pretty high as husband & wife and as parents!

Coffee and for that pin I stumbled across to make my own homemade coffee creamer.

Yay for less toxins.

My sweet husband who leads our family so valiantly 

and who prays with me.

He tells me I'm beautiful all the time....and I don't know about you, but words of affirmation is definitely my love language.  

He gets me.

For the job that I have had the past 6 years...that came complete with an extraordinary boss who is also one of my best friends.

For my new job....that I can't even believe is happening yet.  We have prayed many months that our family would all be in the same town, but I had no idea how that was going to happen....and look at us now.  Thank you, Jesus.

This one may seem selfish, but I am totally happy that I have saved an insane amount of money to spend on a new purse.  Once I do purchase it I hope I will not be too scared to carry it for the fear that it may get dirty :) 

For my brother and his beautiful wife.  Over the past several years she has spent countless hours listening to me and my struggles....I will never forget what a good friend she was 

to me during those times.

I hate that she lives so far away, but hopefully we can make Canton our Annual Trip.

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You know, I think one of the hardest things about blogging for me is that I don't ever want to come across as ------> Hey, look at me or Hey, my life is perfect or Hey, I'm talking about "this" or "that" and totally forgetting about all of the other people in this world that are suffering...

because how can I forget?

I have things that weigh heavy on my heart.  Daily.  ...but I feel so darn helpless.

I have a grandfather that had a stroke in 2008 and suffered major damage.  He can no longer talk or write.  He now lives with my aunt in Austin.  What an angel she is? The task that she and her husband have taken on to care for him is just so selfless and gracious.  I'm thankful for them as well.

It is painful to visit him.  It breaks my heart because I know he has so much to say, but can't.  

I rarely visit and feel so guilty about it, but I just can't even .... Since I've been married...we are so busy raising our kids and following all of our "other kids" at their sporting events....but that is no excuse and I know it.  It just makes me sad.  I know he would want us to visit more often...

Then I have the sweetest, most faithful cousin who has a baby (well, he will be 2 this September)  that is suffering from Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS).  He is on the waiting list for a heart transplant.  The journey they have been on is just so unbelievable.  I can't even wrap my head around it.  She just powers through each day.  She has at times had to be away from her two older boys and also her husband.  I would say I don't know how she does it...but I do ... because I know without a doubt that she and I believe in the same God.  The God that is capable of miracles.  I see pictures of that sweet, precious boy and I think ---- He will live.  He is a strong, courageous fighter.

I care about him and I pray for him....but a part of me feels guilty because I have not had the privilege to meet him in person.  When they have been to town we have missed each other...

and I have not made time to plan a visit.  

 I feel guilty and selfish.  

I know I have good intentions and that I am doing the best I can...just like anyone else, but still....

To have such a close family while I was growing up.... what has happened? Is this normal? Do you just grow up and family members begin to go their separate ways 

and grow their own families? 

Or am I just way too busy? 

I feel unbelievably thankful for my family's good health.  

It makes me sad to think of all the suffering in not only my family, but in yours.  

Suffering is so rampant and unfair...

but in those times....is when God wants us to trust Him the most.

My heart is heavy and thankful at the same time.

I hope my family knows that I think of them often.  All of them.  

Even ones that I have not mentioned here...

I pray for your well-being...and for blessings to be poured upon your lives.

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Well, this post started as one thing and then completely took a life of it's own....

thank you for reading....if you made it all the way to here.  

I really want to be funny and uplifting....but today I have found myself being serious and a little sad. 

I apologize...I just have a lot on my heart 

and I don't want to be fake....

Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

I am happy and so thankful for many things..., but there are many people that cross my mind daily that are struggling...and I want them to know that they are not forgotten whether I'm cheering at a football game, vacationing with my family or sitting on my couch watching one of the seasons of Gilmore Girls for the 10th time....they are on my hearts.